I AM NOT PERFECT!!! I HAVE FLAWS!!!

When most of my friends, family errmm other people found out about what i write about on this blog, they tend to assume a few things about me.

“You’re a relationship coach? Sexpert? So you must be like the perfect wife then, right?”

“What a fascinating job. So I guess you and your husband never fight.”

“You’re basically a therapist for intimate relationships… so you must be flawless, right?”

I get these questions on a norm now through emails etc. And the underlying assumption is that in order to help people with any area of their life, you have to have flawlessly mastered the area that you’re advising on.

Well, it’s time to burst some bubbles.

I’m not perfect.

No one is perfect.

And no relationship is perfect.

I’m Not Perfect

Yes, I’m probably a better relationship partner than a lot of people. I’m kind, compassionate, loving, and a world class listener and lover … all things that I believe come along with my counsellor-type brain. But I will never feed into this idea that I am a perfect person and/or wife.

I get triggered like everyone else. I have fears, insecurities, and areas where I feel I fall short in my marriage. I unconsciously do things for external validation to overcompensate in areas where I was once told I was deficient.

I work hard to keep up to examples that my parents failed to set for me. I also make a concerted effort to avoid doing other things that I saw my parents do.

I have abandonment issues, I used to struggle with low self-esteem, and I have to proactively invest in my self-care, self love....

I am human. I make mistakes, I’m a big, messy, complex set of character traits and personality quirks.

And in no way do I think that it serves you, my readers in pretending that I have everything all figured out.

The reason I have connected with so many readers in such a short amount of time online is that I make no bones about the fact that I am right here in the trenches with you. I am a work in progress, and I always will be.

I don’t dole out my pearls of wisdom from atop an ivory tower. I’m battling through my emotional demons every day. I’m getting my hands dirty. I’m going in first. This is who I am and who I always will be.

No Relationship Is Perfect

It serves no one when people feed into the perception that they have a perfect relationship.

YES, there are some relationships that are strangely high functioning compared to the majority. And I had the insanely bad fortune(don't take this personal) of being raised in a household where I saw multiple examples of short-term,not so loving marriages of almost 2 decades till it crashed....

But every couple fights (which is totally healthy). Every couple compromises (also totally healthy). Every couple frustrates each other with seemingly trivial bickering on a weekly basis (this is just life). Sorry hubs.

We’re all humans. We’re all a messy, complex set of character traits and personality quirks.

To believe anything else is to have an anxiety-producing perfectionistic mindset that will make your love life suffer through your expectations of what it “should” be.

You’re going to mess up. Your partner is going to mess up. The magic is in the courage it takes to face that, accept it, and take ownership of those moments.

We’re All Perfect, As We Are

So if we’re all united in our messiness… and we’re all just trying to love as best we can… then we’re all already perfect as we are right now. We are complete. We are whole.

My favourite people have always been (and will always be) the ones who are willing to look in the mirror and take responsibility for the person that they see.

But there’s a difference between feeling like you’re never enough versus feeling like you are always perfect, and yet you can still change. This is the most empowering mindset I can think of to live by… “I am already whole and, at the same time, I can still strive for improvement.”

But somehow all in all, I just let God do the MIRACLES.... ;)

If you’d like to talk to someone who has done their work, is doing their work, and will always be doing their work, you can always reach out and chat with me directly.

Nerovianne........