7 Signs You Should Break Up!!!!

Is there anything more painful than the state of limbo that occurs when you’re living in a relationship and you aren’t sure whether or not you should end it?

Ways To Stay Attracted To A Partner You've Been With For Years...

Morning my beautiful lovers, I am so hyped for the weekend, I hope you all are too. Today I shall be talking about "old lovers" and how to keep the love flame burning... 

One of the most common questions that I get asked from people in relationships is “How do you stay attracted to someone you’ve been with for years?”

Whether it’s because of your stress levels, busy schedules, or your partner’s parents are in town for the week and it has one or both of you in a bad mood, there are bound to be some roadblocks to your overall arousal levels.

But what if, lifestyle factors aside, it feels like you’ve been less attracted to your partner lately?

Here are five ways that i think you can stay attracted to a partner long-term, and shake off the cobwebs. ;)

1. Look In The Mirror

A lot of times, the ups and downs of sexual attraction in peoples relationships speaks to how they currently feel about themselves.

When they are happy and have high self-esteem; their partner is the sexiest person in the world.

When they feel stressed, distracted, or down on themselves, then their partner seems to lose their appeal.

So, while it is easy to project our insecurities and bad moods on what’s most readily available (your partner), make sure that you look in the mirror and ask yourself if YOU feel attractive and emotionally fulfilled.

2. Give Yourself The Opportunity To Miss Them

We live in a hyper connected world where everyone you love is just a text away. But excessive intimacy causes anxiety. And now, with a higher percentage of the world’s population living in mega-cities of millions of people, people are starting to feel the pinch.

If you are constantly around your partner, you won’t have the opportunity to miss them. They will start to feel like a burden more than a treat.

When you’re with your partner, give them your full attention. But when you’re away from them, get on with your life.

Let go of the need to text them every day. Build up your stories so that you have something to talk about when you meet up again in person.

Have your guys’ ladies' night, or go on weekend getaways, or have an exercise regime that does not include your partner.

Have some sense of independence and autonomy, so that when you meet up again, you’ve both been given the chance to think “Oh yeah… I really like them. I’m looking forward to seeing them again!”

3. Prime Your Brain With Appreciation

People’s brains have a funny way of needing to appear consistent with their words, actions, and thoughts.

So if you have been taking your partner for granted and not putting any effort into your relationship, your brain will rationalize “If I’m not putting any effort into this relationship… it must mean that I’m not that into her.”

But the reverse is also true. If you’ve found your desire waning recently in your relationship, simply by putting in more effort your mind will think “I’ve been putting so much effort into this relationship lately, I must really love my girlfriend/wife/partner a lot!”

There are two major ways that you can prime your brain with this kind of positive influence.

The first is active appreciation, and the second is to keep dating them.

Just like gratitude journaling, if you prime your mind to look for the positive feedback in your life, you will filter out even more positives. This has a beneficial, cascading effect that alters the way you see your entire life. And you can do this with your relationship.

Instead of thinking “She never puts effort into her looks anymore. She wears sweat pants around me half the time we’re at home”… you can reframe that as “I love how comfortable she is around me. She truly lets me see her like no one else gets to.”

Instead of “I hate how she puts me on the spot at social gatherings. She brings up my career and then expects me to carry the weight of the conversation”… you can reframe that as “Wow… she’s so proud of me and my accomplishments that she wants to see me shine in the eyes of my peers but goes through the effort of introducing the topic for me so I don’t seem like a show off. She clearly cares about me.”

Instead of “That is disgusting. I can’t believe she left her nail clippings on the table”… you can reframe that as “I love that even after all this time, they still put in the effort to stay groomed and soft.”

The more you see her actions through the lens of love and assume good intentions, the more you’ll see that she is loving you, constantly, in her own way.

On to the second point: continue to date them.

If you date your partner like you did in the first few months of your relationship, a lot of your relationship stress will fall away.

Woo your partner. Surprise them with little gifts. Be ROMANTIC. Have distraction-free date nights regularly.

Date them like they’re new to you and, because of your brain’s propensity to want to seem consistent with your bodies actions, you will fall more in love with them with each gesture.

4. Think About Losing Them

Everything in your life will someday end. Everyone you love will die. Every relationship you currently are engaged in will have a final moment.

Now that I’ve gotten the happy news out of the way…

How would you look at your partner if this was the last time you were going to see them? How would you act differently if you knew you wouldn’t see them after this coming weekend? Would you fight more fairly? Would you tell them you loved them more? Would you be kinder, gentler, or more loving towards them?

By keeping yourself aware of the fact that everything in your life has an expiration date, you can show up moment to moment in your relationship as the kind of person that you’re striving to be.

Besides, it’s a lot easier to think “Oh my god I would shrink down and live in her lower back dimples if I could” compared to “She’s getting a little too chubby,” when your mind is aware that everything is temporary. Actively appreciate and focus on everything that you love about your partner. The choice is always yours, and it’s a lot easier (and more fun) when you do.

5. Funnel All Of Your Sexual Energy Towards Them

Sexual energy is a finite resource for all people.

If you find yourself squandering your sexual energy by looking at porn, lengthily admiring other attractive women in public, or masturbating several times a day and leaving whatever is left over for your partner, then you both lose.

Picture sexual energy like running water through your body and you can funnel it in any direction you want. And the more you funnel it in a certain direction, the steadier it gets in that same direction (just like how river beds deepen over time the more water runs through them).

Consciously channel your sexual energy towards your partner and, coming back to the point I made in section #3, your mind will act consistent with your thoughts and actions.

If you enjoy masturbating and using porn outside of your sexual practice with your partner (nothing wrong with that at all), I recommend masturbating to images/videos of your partner that she either made for you or you made together.

You don’t have to be in a long-distance relationship to take advantage of the beauty and wonder of x-rated images of your partner.

Your mind is getting more adept at whatever you are doing in any moment, be it good or bad habits. So, if you can control the outcome, why not prime your arousal response to your partner, as opposed to someone you don’t know on your computer screen?

How Do You Stay Attracted To Your Partner Long-Term?

Decide on it.

Love, like happiness, is largely a choice. It’s a mental filtering process.

Choose to see your partner in the same light that you saw them in when you first started dating… and filter out the things that would irk you if you chose to ruminate on them.

Look at your partner through rose colored glasses, not through a magnifying glass.

Dedicated to your success and benefits ;)

Nerovianne

Ps. Happy Weekend Dear....

Get Your Partner Initiate Sex More Often.......

“How do I get my partner to initiate sex with me more often?”

A couple of people actually sent me emails asking me that, those are the kind of questions that makes me internally cringe. lol

Why?

Because, while I empathize with how bad it can feel to not have a sense of sexual connection with your partner, to me the question feels the same as when people ask “How can one make more money?”

It bothers me because you’re looking at the wrong part of the equation. And therefore you’re asking the wrong question.

Don’t focus on how to make more money… focus on how to add more value.

Don’t focus on why you have no energy… focus on what food you’re putting into your body.

Don’t focus on how to get your partner to initiate sex more often… focus on the current state of your relationship and how you can improve your overall sense of connection so that your partner will be more sexually receptive.

In other words, don’t focus on the result… focus on your process!

So… what can you do, in more tangible terms, to get your partner to initiate sex more often? Lets Try these.....

1. Don’t expect sex simply because they’re your partner

Yes, it’d be great if your partner was so attracted to you that they simply had a never ending supply of sexual desire that was focused on you and only you for all eternity. In reality? Sexual desire ebbs and flows, and there will be occasions where your partner’s sexual desire has a dry spell and you will feel it.

But one of the fastest ways that you can turn your partner off is to expect them to have sex with you just because they’re your partner. This is the definition of taking your partner for granted. Expectation is the ultimate anti-aphrodisiac.

Just because you are in a relationship with your partner doesn’t mean that you get to stop proactively loving them, wooing them, courting them… whatever you want to call it… the same way that they don’t have to automatically be turned on by you at the drop of a hat.

Relationships take work.

If you stopped creating value at your job, you would stop getting money.

If you stop investing effort in to your relationship, sometimes, you stop receiving sexual pleasure via your partner.

2. Feel good about yourself

If your life isn’t going like you want it to (outside of your relationship) and you’re craving sex with your partner as a means of external validation (i.e. the subtext being that you are worthy enough of a person to have sex with), then be honest with yourself about that.

There is certainly a very healthy dose of external validation that we get from seeing ourselves reflected back to us by our partners. But beware that that isn’t the sole reason that you’re trying to increase your sexual frequency with your partner. And if it is… work on your life, while also being honest with your partner about what needs you actually need to have met.

3. Clear your communicative blocks

Often, the reason your sex life goes stale is because of the volumes of arguments and bits of dishonesty that have slowly piled up through the course of your relationship.

The negative moments that you each build up in your minds about each other or the relationship get stuck in the way of your intimate connection and then quickly drag down your sexual desires for each other.

Like giant boulders sitting in the middle of a flowing river, in order to get back to flowing, abundant sexual energy, you need to remove the blocks.

How?

By communicating more proactively. Communication is KEY!!!!

4. Increase physical affection and other non-sexual touch

Humans are a social species, and as such, we crave physical affection.

If, by going after increased sexual frequency, you’re really looking for more connectedness, start by increasing the amount of physical affection you share on a daily basis.

Cuddle in the morning and at night. Hug for longer than you usually do. Kiss them for more than a few seconds when you’re about to leave for the day. Run your fingers through their hair. Give them a back rub. Hold hands while you walk.

Just, touch.

Ps. My Nigerian brothers are so bad at this, Jezzzz, okay some of them.... There is really nothing wrong getting all touchy, cuddling and stuff, they have this bad idea that once they start doing that, the wives will classify them as weak... well i rest my case.... 

Read up......

5. Initiate sex more often

Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” And I’m pretty sure he was talking about getting freaky.

If you and your partner haven’t had sex in days/weeks/months and you’re digging your heels in just to see if they’ll break first, then put on your adult pants and be the one to initiate sex. Sounds familiar ;)

Leave the games to the kids… there’s enough game playing outside of your love life and neither one of you wins in the sexual cold war.

6. Focus on them more during sex

Could it be possible that the majority of the last twenty times you had sex (no matter how long ago those times were) were more focused on you than on them?

It’s understandable that someone would want to avoid something that they don’t remember as being that pleasurable/amazing/transformative.

Make a concerted effort to understand what turns your partner on, do whatever it takes to blow their minds/make them have the best orgasm of their life, and they’ll be more likely to want to initiate sex more often.

I mean, wouldn’t you be more likely to turn into a repeat customer at a restaurant that has only ever exceeded your expectations with the most mouth-watering, gourmet meals? It’s the same with sex. If you’ve allowed your sex life to go from gourmet delicacy to cheap, quick fast food, then can you really blame your partner for wanting to steer clear of the empty calories????

Still want to find out more?

That's for another Topic, hope you enjoyed reading.....

Nerovianne.....

I AM NOT PERFECT!!! I HAVE FLAWS!!!

When most of my friends, family errmm other people found out about what i write about on this blog, they tend to assume a few things about me.

“You’re a relationship coach? Sexpert? So you must be like the perfect wife then, right?”

Done With Love!!!!

Some of my friends come to me when they’re feeling their most frustrated and hopeless.

They repeat the mantras that are graffitied all over the protective walls surrounding their hearts…

“There are no good ones left.”

“All men are liars.”

And I totally get it.

Spinning your proverbial wheels in the mud is absolutely frustrating… But you don’t have to engage in the same relationship pattern over and over. You just need some awareness, to take new action, and to grow through whatever current challenge you’re facing.

If you are consistently meeting the same kind of potential partner (and its the type you don't like) then this is a sure sign from the universe that their is some lesson that you have yet to learn.

In the form of various different people, the lesson is being offered up to you with a “This one? No… okay, how about this one? No? Do you see yet that these are all the same kind of person? How about this one… they’re even more obvious.” We get the same feedback (offered up to us via a consistent type of person) until we realize what the pattern is, learn through it, grow, and move forwards with our lives.

For example, if it’s a lack of self-love, then you might need to take better care of yourself and live a more aligned life in order to honor your heart. If you are prone to attracting partners who don’t treat you very well (maybe they cheat on you or they are unable to emotionally invest) then maybe that’s the universe’s way of trying to highlight the fact that you haven’t been emotionally showing up for yourself. 

Regardless of what’s going on for you in your individual circumstance, here are a few ways you can get over this frustrating hump of being done with love.

1. Fall in love with yourself

I call this self love,

Frustrated with the lack of love? Good news! As with every emotion that we experience, love can only come from within.

By falling in love with yourself, giving yourself validation, and living a life that lights you up, you’ll be removing unhealthy dependency on needing the validation and love of another. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be loved by someone else, when we have a lack of love for ourselves we can become overly needy for someone to tell us that we are worthy and loveable.

Your individual process of falling in love with yourself will look different than anyone else’s because you have a unique life with unique experiences behind you. Maybe you need to focus your energy on doing work that is more aligned with your hearts desires. Maybe you need to shift your internal dialogue so that you aren’t beating yourself up all the time and expecting perfection in your actions. Or maybe you simply need to slow down and take better care of your physical and mental self (by taking more time off from work, exercising more, and spending time in nature).

Your journey to falling in love with yourself is yours alone. It could be one of the hardest things you ever do for yourself, but it will also be the most worthwhile.

2. Figure out what you want

A huge part of the frustration you could be feeling in your state of ‘I’m done with love’ is likely due to going after a consistent type of person that make you miserable. At a certain point, usually right now… when you’re the most frustrated, you realize what has been happening and you choose a new way.

You might start by talking it over with friends. If you aren’t sure what the negative part of your last half a dozen relationship partners has been, your friends may have some great insights for you since they are impartial and can see your significant others with an unbiased perspective. To your friends, it might be glaringly obvious that all of your partners have been emotionally unavailable, or uninterested in a relationship, or shut down with their communication.

Or, if you don’t have any friends opinions who you trust, you could always go the good ol’ fashioned route of journalling. Journalling is self-reflection in action. It’s a conversation that you have with yourself. 

Write about what you have been doing. Then write about what you want instead. And then…

3. Have the courage to honour your new standards

If you’ve been chasing after emotionally unavailable partners, maybe it’s time to screen heavily (upfront) for partners that are emotionally available and are looking for a relationship. If you’ve chronically found yourself in relationships with people who aren’t very interested in you, then you could screen for partners who show an apparent emotional investment and who are more vocal about their desire for you.

Whatever you recognize needs to change, have the courage to honour what you are now looking for. Your old way of partner finding is likely a deeply formed habit by now, so finding their opposite might not come naturally at first, but it will be an essential step in your dating life’s evolution.

Figure out what you want, and then ensure (early on) that you are partnering up with someone who doesn’t exhibit the olds ways of being that you know have always lead to pain for you.

4. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated

One of the best ways to ensure that you will start to attract the right kind of romantic partners into your life that you want is to start treating yourself like you want your future partner to treat you.

If you deeply crave someone who nurtures and loves you, nurture and love yourself by getting regular massages, going for long, meditative walks in the park, and honouring yourself day to day (tired? take a nap! hungry? take yourself out for a meal, etc.).

If you are itching for a partner who tells you how loveable and worthy you are to combat the negative internal dialogue that runs on a loop in your mind, give yourself that same gift first. Set up recurring reminders on your phone to tell you things like “You are such a kind person, and you are so worthy of love.” Add self-affirmations in to your morning routine, telling yourself the things that you most uniquely want to hear.

By fulfilling ourselves in a way that we want a partner to fulfill us, we set ourselves up to give off an energy of already being fulfilled in the ways that we need, which will then more readily attract partners into our life that resonate with that same way of being.

Conversely, if you neglect your self and your needs, then you will attract a partner who resonates with that same lack in you (and therefore will be largely unable to fulfill those needs for you because they also haven’t learned that lesson for themselves).

So as cliche as it might seem, the best strategy of attracting the right partner for you is to build such a happy, amazing single life that you’ll have to do mental gymnastics to figure out how to fit a partner into it, and when you do, they’ll show up and fill in all of the cracks that you didn’t even know were there.

Love yourself first, and the best, most aligned lover will attract themselves into your life.

5. Do the friend check

So you’ve done your inner work, figured out what you want, and have attracted a new love interest into your life.

By this point in time, you might be so fed up with your lack of a fulfilling love life that you might not trust your judgment in potential partners. Enter… your trusted social circle.

After checking in with your own gut level feelings, ask your closest friends if they think the person you’re seeing could be a good fit for you.

Other people often have a better understanding of who is right or wrong for us because they see the totality of who we are and they are emotionally impartial. So don’t be afraid to have your new significant other meet your closest friends (who you know the best) early on in your relationship. If you wait to introduce them until 10-20 dates, you might already be too emotionally attached to take your friends opinions seriously. If you think that the person you’re seeing could be a good match for you, aim to introduce them to your friends within the first 3-5 dates. The sooner the better.

That’s it for today! Have any questions about your unique situation? Want to get over your current relationship slump? Lets Talk

nerovianne@gmail.com

As always dedicated to your Success and Benefit,

Nerovianne

Marriage Wars.....

It's a shock when your marriage hits its first patch of turbulence. You've been cruising along just fine, when all of a sudden, the bottom drops out. Welcome to your first big fight -- you know, the ugly kind with screaming, shouting, slamming doors, and tears. You've probably just hit a bit of nasty weather, but when you're bouncing through it, it's scary. You find yourself thinking: Is this it? Are we over?

Oxygen In Marriage!!!!.....

"My wife, Cetelia, and I like to burn Yankee jar candles in the house to add fragrance to the air. Often, we've lit the candles in the morning, and let them burn all day. By the evening, the house is saturated

Long Distance Relationship And Intimacy.......

                                                                                           Are you part of a long-distance couple? Here's how to maintain closeness while living apart.

Intimacy is a key aspect of any healthy relationship or marriage. It is based on a deep knowledge of one another, which typically comes from spending time together. That's why being in a long distance relationship or marriage brings on special challenges to both emotional and physical intimacy.

Would You Change Your Religion For Love?

If it came down to love would you change your religion? A lot of people face this issue in their relationship, and it’s such a touchy subject so most people sweep it under the rug. The most difficult thing to do while in love is to leave your love for what you love.

Toxic!! Detox Your Relationship....

Every person comes into relationships with some sort of expectation of what their sex lives will look like,Truly, the potential number of expectations is endless.There are reasonable expectations, and unreasonable expectations when it comes to relationships (and what is reasonable for one couple might be different for another).

Help Yourself.....

Want to strengthen your relationship?

 Print out two copies of the following words and sign it with your partner. Then Put it in your Bathrooms, bedrooms or better still your wardrobe, somewhere you always go to everyday... 

–

Slut-Shaming Hurts; MEN!!!!!!!!!

Morning My wonderful Friends,
 Its been quite a hectic week start for me as I came down with a bad flu, even after taking the flu vaccine, so wth are those vaccines made of? well that's my own wahala as i would say with my Nigerian friends and Families....

Have you heard of slut-shaming? It’s a recent hot-topic, and with good reason.

Through media, upbringing and societal pressure, women have been forced to suppress their sexual urges. This has been happening for ages and has become a widely accepted double standard.

Ways To Be Better In Bed....

Let’s face it… our current sexual education system is completely broken. Why is that?